I'm finishing up with school- and while at first I was excited, I've come to realize that I am incredibly scared of what that means. Yeah, sure, I'm kind of over the whole social scene. I'm old. I can no longer keep up with those youngins out watching movies until 4 in the morning laughing and talking with excitement about the wonders college still has ahead of them. Bah humbug. I've done seven semesters worth of college, and I'm ready to put down the books and show what the world what I have to offer!
...Right?
Ok. Maybe not so much. Today at lunch my parents began talking about my graduation. Holy Whosit. I graduate college in five months. Did you hear that? I. Graduate. College. In. Five. Months. According to the world- Come May I will be a 21 year old adult with a full education who is ready to set forth on her own. That is, according to the world. Ask me how I feel about the situation and you're sure to get a different opinion. I'm more like a scared little girl who doesn't know the first thing about how to make it in the big scary world.
I'm trying my hardest to avoid the typical questions asked of seniors this time of year. "What job do you want?" "Where do you plan on living?" "What will you be doing next year?" Well, I'd prefer a job in either Public Relations or editing- but I'll take whatever you're offering! I hope to live in Austin or Dallas- but have recently received a push in the Houston direction from the parentals. Most importantly, what will I be doing next year? ...Surviving.
I'm beginning to find bits of the typical Peter Pan Syndrome popping into my own life. Named after, well, you know the story about the boy who never grew up. Many 20-something, young adults have been found to have this problem. The refusal to believe that they are grown-ups and (should be) productive members of today's society. They find ways to avoid the responsibility. They move back home with their parents. They take jobs as waiting tables or selling clothes. They are afraid of taking that next step.
The reality that next year I'm going to become independent and will need to provide for myself is terrifying. I've always had the safety net of school to guide me throughout my years, and my parents for those necessary things I need to survive. I've always been told what to do. Go to Elementary School. Go to Middle School. Go to High School. Do International Baccalaureate. Go to college. I've never had to worry about rent, paying for food nor clothes, bills, etc. I've never had to worry about what I'll be doing, where I'll be living, whether or not I will have a job to support me. Come May, I'll have no plan set out for me for the first time in my life. I'm going to be on my own. It'll be time to push out my chest and take on the world.
But I still have five more months until that happens. So I'll just keep avoiding that reality for now! I think I'll just curl up with a good book and be happy. That is, until the next person asks me what I'll be doing next year...
